@killazilla: My sis just asked if sugar goes bad. Now I can't stop picturing it bullying the other spices and selling pot.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@liamstack: (Overheard in Connecticut) “Why is the flag at the bank flying at half staff?” “Maybe because the market has been going down?”
@_sunshine25_: EATS clean for a week, loses 2 pounds. DRIVES by a donut shop, gains 5. This is some bullshit.
@warmyellowlight: some days I'm all [sound of a fluffy cloud violently smashing into a mountain] other days I'm [sound of crocodiles gently eating a mitten]
@ieatanddrink: "I deleted that tweet because I've really grown as a writer in the past 7 minutes and it's just not up to my current standards"