@thezachmaginnis: My sister told me to "take the spider out" instead of "kill" it. So we went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a lawyer.
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@daddydoubts: Friend: Hey man I haven’t seen you since you had a baby. How’s parenthood? Me: Up at dawn. Milk. Survive. Distract. Feed. Milk. Distract. Physical activity. Feed. Milk. Asleep at sundown. Friend: Hahaha sounds like farming. Me: That’s right. Parents are kid farmers.
@TEXASVETERAN: A hooker once showed me her dollar menu. Her meat actually did resemble McDonald's.