Pants? You mean Leg Prisons?
My son: “Dad what’s a douche bag?” Me: see that guy sitting with his friends wearing a Bluetooth?….
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My boyfriend called my skirt a petticoat and now he’s paying bills using a quill on parchment paper wearing his wooden false teeth.
WEBSITE CEO: We need a fool-proof way to ensure everyone who enters the site is over 18
“What about clicking on a button that says I’m over 18?”
WEBSITE CEO: Bob, you have done it again
Cyclists who don’t obey street signs should have to wear their google search history on a t-shirt.
You can’t run a country like a business. If you did, you’d have to pay profits to investors, meaning citizens. And that’s socialism! Bye!
Cop said that it’s illegal for me to have flashing lights & siren on my car.
I looked at his car and said are you going to arrest yourself?
date: wanna try some of my cheesecake?
me: no thanks, i don’t eat dairy
date: are you lactose intolerant?
me, terrified my skeleton will become too strong and escape: haha yeah that’s it
*glow-in-the-dark vampire approaches*
ME: *trembling* Phospheratu?