@WorkingMom86

My son got very excited about all the toys he found when I cleaned behind the couch, I should have waited till Christmas morning to do that

You Might Also Like

@Brampersandon_

JUDGE: so u plan to plead insanity?
ME: let me double-check with my counsel
*moves 2 ft over, puts on tie, nods*
ME: thats correct ur honor

@KyleMcDowell86

*police sirens*
*Dad bursts into my room wearing a Princess Leia costume*
“HIDE THIS NO TIME TO EXPLAIN”
*throws bag of cinnamon buns at me*

@gingerfaced

[peels off pepperoni]
she loves me

[peels off pepperoni]
she loves me not

@HaydenKristal

Horses are a great pet for anyone who’s ever wished their bicycle could make bad choices

@Megatronic13

Me: hey boy, wanna go back to my place and *hand jerking motion*

Him: oh yeah

[my place]

Me: *slams cup down on the table* YAHTZEE!!!

@Lipgloss_Nerd

Even in the darkest moments there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel, but yours will probably be an oncoming freight train.

@theDanLawler

No thanks, newborn babies of literally any species on planet Earth.

Come back when you’re less pink & rubbery & can loan me thirty dollars.

@BunAndLeggings

4yo: we have a weed farm!

Lady:

Me: weedS in our yard

Lady: *rapidly walks away*

Me: MY KIDS DON’T GET HIGH

2yo: I get high *jumps*