My son got very excited about all the toys he found when I cleaned behind the couch, I should have waited till Christmas morning to do that

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No thank you, shower sex. I’ll just step out of the shower and injure myself the old fashioned way.


I’ve done hundreds of crossword puzzles over the years, but just this morning I noticed they provide clues.


My husband says that he just wants me to be happy.

Then he gets all mad and kicks my boyfriend out of our house.


Charles Manson not only got a woman while in prison, but a woman that only wanted him for his body. Screw Tinder, I’m going to prison.


Quick reminder that the Twilight saga is about the classic teen angst of choosing between bestiality and necrophilia


It’s with great sadness that I must say goodbye to you all!
My boyfriend and I argued over how much time I spend on here. He said I must choose between y’all or him. So, I’m gonna be offline for a couple minutes while I help him pack & call him an Uber … I’ll be right back


triscuits are the perfect snack for anyone who has ever wanted to eat wicker furniture


A bird in the… *BLOCKED*
Birds of … *BLOCKED
The early bird catches the wo…*BLOCKED & REPORTED FOR ABUSIVE CONTENT

-worms on Twitter