@ValeeGrrl: My son has a play-date today & the mom said to dress him in holiday colors so he's in all black & I'm telling her we worship the dark lord.
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@envydatropic: 75% of parenting is taking their keys to punish them And giving them back because they're driving you crazy
@Angibangie: [The oddity of dating]: Hey I like your face, also possibly your body. Let's see if I can stand your personality until we die Okay?
@HenpeckedHal: me: so I just check out women all day? grocery store manager: please stop saying it like that
@AnniemuMary: My husband got new earbuds. Think I'll skip the middle man and put them straight in the washing machine.