@skittle624: My son has decided he loves avocado toast and now I have to get a second job.
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@MrJohnNorris: WHEN I SEE ALL CAPS I READ LIKE THE PERSON IS TALKING RIGHT BY A JET ENGINE, TELLING A CIA AGENT THAT HIS PLAN WON'T WORK...IT'S TOO RISKY
@Carbosly: I hope zombies will come from Mexico. After eating their way through fat Americans, they'll be like "Sorry little Canadians. We're full."
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Mayonnaise is cum. When you put it on a sandwich, you're spreading cum on your bread. When you ask for it on a burger, you ordered cum.