@DaddyJew: My son just looked at his best friend of 5 years and said "hey you" because he temporarily forgot his name and I've never felt closer to him.
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@msgwenl: We say “life is short,” but really, most of us expect to die in old age. This expectation exposes our fear of death, not our understanding of life. Life doesn’t have a knowable length or a right length. It ends when it ends. Cashier: So... you don’t want fries? Me: No, I do.
@zachreinert03: My mom moved me away from Texas as a kid, statistically decreasing the chance I ever get the death penalty and that's pretty cool
@BoomBoomBetty: My family arranging my open casket funeral: Here’s a picture of how we all remember her. Can you make her look like this? Mortician: This is a printout of the eye roll emoji.
@ArfMeasures: Facebook: Here's some other people you might know Me: Oh yes! I do know them! Facebook: Do you want to add them as friends? :) Me: oh God no