@DaddyJew: My son just looked at his best friend of 5 years and said "hey you" because he temporarily forgot his name and I've never felt closer to him.
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@Darlainky: Darth Vader- Dark Lord Ranger- park lord Neighbor’s dog- bark lord Marty Byrde- Ozark lord Noah- ark lord Twitter celebrity- checkmark lord DEA chief- narc lord Brandon- Stark lord Sarah Silverman- snark lord Mikhail Gorbachev- birthmark lord
@weedguy420boner: There are a million designers working on making website buttons have better gradients and none working on the cord that changes how fast your ceiling fan is going. Literally no one knows what speed their fan is on or what will happen if they pull the cord again
@MarfSalvador: son: dad, why didn't you want to cut the umbilical cord when I was born? me: [doing jump rope between him and my wife] it's called planning ahead, son