When walking off an elevator, I like to turn around & say, “this is the part in our adventure where I must leave you now.”
My son just said “I’m sorry I can’t be cute right now, I’m hungry” and I’ve never understood him better.
You Might Also Like
Don’t you wish it was as easy to adjust the brightness level on people as it is on your phone?
You could make dinner for a toddler, or you could just cut out the middle man & throw away a plate of food and squirt ketchup on the dog.
Me: Time for school.
5-year-old: But we had three days off.
5: I can’t go back. I forgot everything.
Teachers don’t get paid enough.
My parents always taught me to pursue my dreams. That’s why I take so many naps.
Bartender: What can I get you?
Me: Sex, beards, rock & roll?
Me: Sparkling vampire crazy about me?
Money is the root of all larger amounts of money.
[Pulls away from kissing]
So you do want me to interview for the cat juggling job?
Time for church.
“The Great Gatsby” is an awesome book about a rich guy who can’t get laid.