@PrisonCookies
My cat caught me watching cat videos on the Internet so we now have a shared Twitter and Facebook account.
@ThatMummyLife
My son just tripped over some toys and was convinced his 1yo sister set a trap for him. Utterly ridiculous.
It was me.
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@PrisonCookies
@BoydPetrich
Shouldn’t Captain Crunch be Colonel Crunch by now? Apparently cereal mascot is a dead end job.
@NickGarnettBBC
Bookshop in Fowey, Cornwall.
@liv_thatsme
*calling my sister while leaving the salon in tears*
Sister: What happened? Did they ruin your hair?
Me (between sobs): No, my hair looks great, but my stylist talked to me the ENTIRE TIME
@wilw
Se7en, but instead of deadly sins, the murders are based on different Smurfs.
@runolgarun
Anyone who doesn’t believe sentient A.I. will be the death of humanity has never been asked by Waze to make an unprotected left turn.
@heatherlou_
Planning on buying my daughter a Volvo so she’s safe but with a mismatched door so she gets the struggle.
@BeTheCookie
Science Fact: If you see it later, it was an alligator. If you see it after a while, it was a crocodile.
@panmidwest
DOG: she keeps using heart emojis when we text
DOG FRIEND: which color heart?
DOG: *shows friend phone* the gray one
DOG FRIEND: omg
@InternetHippo
doctor: your wife has gone into labour
me: oh no
wife (yelling from a distance): RAISE THE MINIMUM WAGE