@urmumsausername

My son: little pig, little pig, let me in!

Me: Ok first of all, rude because, yes, I have been eating more lately, no need to get personal son

My son: say your line mummy!

Me: not by the hair of my ch- OK I’M NOT PLAYING ANYMORE

You Might Also Like

@_Mo_lee_

This guy next to me thinks I’m flirting, but really I’m just trying to see where he parks so I can steal his gas

@Cheeseboy22

My wife wants me to go to Zumba with her. I am hopeful that this is a place to get burritos.

@thatdutchperson

People: cheer up, things could be worse

Anxiety: and here are some detailed scenarios how

@huntigula

Dove: ..then he called me a fat pigeon! [sobs]
Prince: “There there, cry it out” [starts recording]
Um, you are a therapist, right?
“Sure”

@Schmoodles

I will totally judge you based on your choice of breakfast cereal, you unfrosted weirdo.

@RevReee

I paid My 11 old $10 to do the dishes, so on her way to the bathroom I mugged her…because, you know, life lesson.

@jonnysun

MOM ITS NOT A DOLLHOUSE IM PRETENDING TO BE A GIANTE THATS TERRORIZING A FAMILY GOSH *waits for mom to leave* and im makig them have tea

@wolfpupy

if your newborn baby has a full head of hair that means it is a business baby and is ready to enter the world of finance

@robdelaney

9 out of 10 dentists agree: golf is a fantastic way to avoid raising your children.