@ericsshadow: My son ran away again, but it gets worse. I think this time he took the remote.
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@Book_Krazy: [Boss hands me 12 pages of complaints about my smart-ass remarks] Me: so I guess the whole "we're going paperless" rules dont apply to you?
@MissSassy_Pants: Murderer: What are you in for? Her: Licking ice cream. Murderer: That had better be a euphemism.
@TheAlexNevil: Fact: in the wild, gorillas can go hours without checking their phones for notifications.
@ygselena: I be having a mini heart attack when I almost send a screenshot to the person I screenshoted