Maybe if we start the ‘Read a Book Challenge’ we can raise awareness for stupidity.
My son’s voicemails from camp sound like Civil War updates:
“Hi mother. I’m in charge of taking everyone down Salt Creek in canoes. It’s been pouring for days and our tents are soaking. Morale is low. I love you.”
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My weekly retreat is simple: driving alone down country roads for a couple of hours with tunes cranked up and singing loudly to livestock.
All those years of karate training wasted …
I’ve never once had to paint a fence or wax a car ….
[throws grenade into enemy trench]
Me: shit, give that back. That was an avocado
Gurt: Hey guys, what should we call this new dairy snack?
Keith: Yo Gurt, I have an idea.
Gurt: Dude, you’re a genius.
I can’t wait for the day when we can place specific blame in the fine print of pharmaceutical ads like CARL YOU’RE THE REASON WE CAN’T USE THIS WHEN WE’RE DRIVING THE BULLDOZER
Post nuclear war:
A sterile and withered landscape. No vegetation or nourishment remains.
My refrigerator after a 14 year old boy comes home from school:
A sterile and withered landscape. No vegetation or nourishm—
HER: omg are you playing with that damn potato again
ME: don’t listen to her Mashleigh she’s just jealous of what we have
therapist: u suffer from social isolation
me: oh no
therapist: you just need to talk to people
me: OH NO
Kanye West tweeted that Bill Cosby is innocent?
This is the last straw.
He just lost my vote in 2020.