@maybenotstef: My spirit animal died of neglect.
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@Ruth_A_Buzzi: Men, please quit wishing for the perfect woman for Christmas. Three times this week Santa Claus tried to kidnap me.
@RodLacroix: Wife: WHY ARE YOU STANDING IN THE KITCHEN NAKED. Me: Who cares? I'm on a conference call. No one can see. Boss: Rod can you mute your phone please.
@KeetPotato: [interrupts gf talking about her dream wedding] lol a horse drawn carriage? "what's funny about that?" a horse can't hold a pencil karen