I parked in the “C” section of the parking lot.
So, naturally, I had to climb out of the sunroof.
My spirit animal is an upturned turtle.
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Why use 2 A’s in the name Aaron? Why not 17? What’s stopping us?
*sees an article from 2 months ago* This is useless to me. Who cares how the ancients lived
[spooky noise comes from my closet]
monster under my bed: you heard that too right
Someone needs to tell Madonna you can’t call it “Girls Gone Wild” when you’re a 100.
Sick of all these Santa apologists. A HOME INVASION IS A HOME INVASION.
Me: I spent HALF as much as YOU usually do on groceries.
[2 hours later]
Me: We have nothing to eat in this house.
MY PARENTS ARE OUT OF TOWN SO I CAN FINALLY WINK AT THE CAT AS MUCH AS I WANT
Listening to “Bad Company” by Bad Company from their album “Bad Company” how do they come up with this stuff
Parents: You can be anything you want to be kiddo!
Me: Okay I definitely want to be an artist!
Parents: lol no we meant a real job.