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@SusanandTrixie: My spirit animal is fried chicken
@ddsmidt: Leap years mean nothing when you have bad knees.
@ThisLocalHater: I hate it when I’m trying to discreetly pick a wedgie in public and inadvertently end up doing every dance routine from Spice World.
@leannuh_renay: Dear Starbucks:
The pumpkins called. Even they think it’s too early.
@cmfh111: me: I am going to get so much done...
same me: *loads two forks into the dishwasher* ...tomorrow.
@Chumpstring: Attention Prayer Warriors: My neighbor left town for a funeral today. Please pray for God to protect & guide me as I steal his barbecue pit.