@thesulk: My stomach just made the sound of a 68-year-old Long Island woman seeing her granddaughter for the first time.
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@MatCro: [dinner party] GF: [to rich guy] So what do you do? RICH GUY: I race horses for a living ME: Do you ever beat them?
@AimeeHelene1: My diet plan consists of multiple naps. Because you can't stuff your face when you're sleeping.
@thr33circles: Quitting twitter is the adult version of running away from home. We ALL know you're doing it for attention and we ALL know you'll be back.
@KevinFarzad: Your British accent is so attractive! If we had kids would they have British accents? We should do a scientific test & find out. For science