Burgers, she wrote.
– Angela Lansbury before she goes shopping.
My superpower is making red lights turn green simply by trying to write a tweet.
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The real heroes are the people who live within driving distance of their in-laws.
I used to think paramedics were ghost doctors.
Why do people say “Cannonball” when jumping into a pool, but no one says “I’m jumping into a pool” when firing a cannonball #Interesting
[gets down on 1 knee with ring box]
Me: One ring to rule them all.
[I put on the ring and vanish forever]
A movie with a rating of 3.14 is a pirated movie
I have a picture of my uncle standing on a tank he and two buddies destroyed in WWII. I cut my fingernails too short and I might stay home.
I once ate a Milk-bone as a kid and was happy I didn’t die so I celebrated by eating five more.
If you love something keep it in the refrigerator, keep it fresh, that thing you love is a lot like mayonnaise.
date: I love the sound of double bass
me: [sexily] bass bass