You: Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.
Me, wearing a shirt that says “I am battling the moon and it is not a secret”: Ok.
My surgeon said NO drinking for 24 hours, then we both laughed.
You Might Also Like
The awkward moment when Lady Gaga has no idea what to wear for halloween.
My kid wouldn’t eat it after he ordered it so I had to: A parents guide.
Genie: If you say another word, your going to die.
The best thing about wearing socks all the time is being able to clean coffee spills without lifting a finger.
cop: are you sure your identity’s been stolen
I’m gonna hire a person to speak at my funeral and say a bunch of crazy stuff about me so my friends and family think I had a secret life.
If laughing is good for you because you use 15 muscles, think how healthy you’ll be if you’re breaking a chair on someone’s head every day.
*spider falls on my desk*
*pulls fire alarm*
*stands in hallway & points firefighters toward my desk*
It doesn’t matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.