Mind: Be careful to protect yourself and don’t jump right in.
My teen left her phone at home when she went to school so unfortunately she can’t text me if she needs anything. Fortunately she also can’t text me if she needs anything.
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i cant get a dog because it will give strangers an excuse to talk to me
When I was a kid I had to say “yes, sir” and “no, sir.” My son just threatened to call 911 because I’m making him eat a hotdog.
Just dropped ranch dressing on my phone then licked it off. So some of you just got to first base with me.
My favorite part of going out is when I sneak out the club without saying bye to anyone to go home and sleep
You collect clowns AND porcelain dolls??
Are you sure you don’t want some help filling out your dating profile sir?
Presidents Day was created by big corporations to get you to buy more presidents.
I used to think my mother in law liked me but then she bought our 11 year old a learn to play harmonica kit for his birthday
If you don’t like the way I drive then get off the hood of my car.
I just asked my German friend if he has a lucky number and now I can’t figure out if he does or not.