@mommajessiec

My teen left her phone at home when she went to school so unfortunately she can’t text me if she needs anything. Fortunately she also can’t text me if she needs anything.

You Might Also Like

@Kyle_Lippert

Mind: Be careful to protect yourself and don’t jump right in.

Heart: CANNONBALL!!!

@TheGabbieShow

i cant get a dog because it will give strangers an excuse to talk to me

@ericsshadow

When I was a kid I had to say “yes, sir” and “no, sir.” My son just threatened to call 911 because I’m making him eat a hotdog.

@SomthinBoutSara

Just dropped ranch dressing on my phone then licked it off. So some of you just got to first base with me.

@trustmedaddy

My favorite part of going out is when I sneak out the club without saying bye to anyone to go home and sleep

@DarkerWillow

You collect clowns AND porcelain dolls??

Are you sure you don’t want some help filling out your dating profile sir?

@TheMichaelRock

Presidents Day was created by big corporations to get you to buy more presidents.

@threetimedaddy

I used to think my mother in law liked me but then she bought our 11 year old a learn to play harmonica kit for his birthday

@SexyInsomniac

If you don’t like the way I drive then get off the hood of my car.

@LittleLostLad

I just asked my German friend if he has a lucky number and now I can’t figure out if he does or not.