The only indoor security camera that I have is inside my fridge, I want to capture the face of whoever steals my cheesecake.
my thoughts based on your zodiac symbol
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At least something in this house will finally get stuffed tomorrow.
My 3yo and 4yo are screaming at each other about privacy. Isn’t it ironic?
Take that seed.
Yes that one
Now crunch it up.
Now pour this hot water on it.
Let me drink that.
It’s good. Name it “coffee”
ME: I’m good at presenting both sides of an argument
ME: which could also be a weakness…
english teacher: *yelling* I am APPALLED
me: what is a pald
*turns off all notifications for everything*
*turns volume down completely on all devices*
*locks all doors and windows*
*closes the blinds*
*puts on eye mask and ear plugs*
*falls into a deep sleep*
Dream: We’re trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty
watching the kids play hide and seek in the park and mine just hid behind a chain link fence
at least we don’t have to save for college
[pulls into taco bell drive thru]
Hi, I’d like enough tacos to forget 2016
No thanks, Mr. Easter Bunny.
I have plenty of dying eggs.