I covered my gf with dough and raisins and put her in the oven to annoy her. Hell hath no fury like a woman sconed
My toddler gets pretty impatient with me for someone who takes 45 minutes to eat an egg.
You Might Also Like
I’m going to start rubbing myself up against people when they’ve got nice food. If it works for my cat, it’ll work for me.
He’s like the ocean
Deep and dirty
Do Flat Earthers also believe the sun and moon are flat?
Like, is the entire solar system just a mismatched collection of space dinner plates?
She: We are having my mother For dinner tonight?
Me: But darling i’m a vegetarian. . how can i eat her?
Just saw a piece of jewelry made in 1982 described as “vintage” so I’ll be laying down the rest of the day
I say tomato.
You say tomahto.
Then I whip out my Webster’s dictionary and show you how you pronounced it wrong.
Hobos are like cats, they’ll let you pet them until you stop feeding them cat food.
“I’M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN!”
Empty bottles: LOL
Wine shop owner: LOL
New bottle: LOL
Bottle opener: LOL
Who called it “asking for sex” and not “pitchfork”