@slimmy_shady: My tongue was actually in the Guinness Book of World Records until the damn librarian kicked me out.
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@iamlaurenp: Obama: Who were you talking to before he came here for the meeting? Biden: Young Metro. Obama: Why did you call- Biden: Shhh. I got this.
@KarateDonuts: Me: *pouring beer on the ground* CW: For your homies? Me: What? No. This is Coors Light. Nobody should drink this shit.