@SamuelHLowe: My trainer said with enough sacrificing I could get a 6-pack. He's full of shit & I have 4 dead goats & 17 decapitated chickens to prove it.
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@Sophie2078: Guy: I want a divorce. Me: And who are you? Guy: I’m your husband! We live together for 6 years! Me: Hmm.. No way! Are you sure?
@TheWoodenslurpy: Oh, I see. "Adam and Steve" is gay, but “Adam dates his own rib” is perfectly acceptable.
@XplodingUnicorn: *quits Twitter to spend time with family* *remembers what family is like* *quits family for Twitter*