*on time travel bus* oh you’re going back to kill hitler? uh yeah totally, me too *pulls jacket over spice girls world tour ’98 t shirt*
My uncle Don got married outside so he could smoke
You Might Also Like
“If you build a lasagna, I will come.”
– Garfield of Dreams
“I’m still at the airport, actually.” -A woman next to me on the train just now
Sitting in traffic wishing I had a Sasquatch to lean out of the passenger window and make police car noises.
My husband hates it when I ask other men to marry me.
*A group of cannibals eating a pie*
This is amazing, what did you do different?
“Well, I used fresh Barry’s”
We’re out of duct tape, craft glue, and frozen orange juice because I made a sandwich while I was drunk last night.
Maybe Jesus went black, and that’s why he isn’t coming back.
*Googles “exercise apps for lazy people”*
*Downloads five apps*
That should do it for today.