@3sunzzz

My very religious-minded FB friend posted that she and her daughter were going to Netflix and chill today. I don’t have the heart to tell her.

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@Mom_Overboard

Imagine if every club’s first rule explicitly stated that you cannot talk about the club activities. Welcome to crochet club. The first rule of crochet club is don’t tell people you crochet.

@ningiou

Everytime you see 2 characters in Gundam that are enemies talk to eachother while piloting their mobile suit and yelling about their ideals, “i wont let you get away” etc, remember one had to start a call and the other had to accept it just so they could beef over the intercom

@RickAaron

I always eat free range chicken… free range fish, free range hot dogs & free range ramen. (Somebody gave me this old stove)

@JenAshleyWright

One thing that bothers me about vampire novels is that vampires are essentially just very old people. They should act like it.

I want to see a sexy vampire who looks like they’re in their 20’s go on a rant about Woodrow Wilson while chewing hard candies.

@CollegeDotLife

College is forcing yourself to eat food before it goes bad because you spent $4.99 on blueberries when you were into health for a hot sec

@WhaJoTalkinBout

car salesman: and I’m 95% sure no one has died in the trunk hahaha

me: ok phew haha

*muffled screaming*

car salesman: 100%

@TheHyyyype

*aliens come to earth to steal our water*

[cut to]

*aliens running out of store with like fifteen evian bottles they didn’t pay for*

@AlanFelyk

Saw a woman on a dating site who says she’s looking for God. I’m thinking she’s not His type.

@Tmoney68

Turducken? My food rules are few, but I’d put “don’t eat a food with ‘turd’ in its name” in my top 5.