@_CherriAnn_: My walk of shame is going back for a shopping cart after realizing I can't carry 23 items in my arms through the store.
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@BoogTweets: Wife: You’re going to be a great Dad one day Me: And you’ll make a great Mom one day too Son: *From the basement* WHEN
@abbycohenwl: I never thought I'd meet the man of my dreams while I was out running errands in sweat pants with no make-up on. And I was right
@cravin4: Little known fact: If you eat a Tide POD™ you will poop out the secret of how to fold a fitted sheet.
@Jake_Vig: Police Officer: "Turn around!" Me: *sings* "Every every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round..."