@mattgallo123: My waterproof phone is advertised in commercials with people surfing and kayaking and here I am tweeting in the shower.
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@sixfootcandy: Screw you haters who are honking at me as I tweet, paint my nails, and drive. You’re just jealous that I can multitask.
@Elizasoul80: Turn your trip to the grocery store into a ninja challenge by shopping strictly out of other people's carts when they're not looking.
@dildointherough: On the third date, I like to buy the girl a really big meal so she's already used to not finishing