Me: I do
Me: Or do I?
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“I’m too important too attend the training on the new system. When I need to get in it you can walk me through it each time”
Saw a vulture hauling a carcass across the highway. Thought of you
The traffic must be horrendous in a red light district
[wearing a negative pressure suit and a space helmet]
Her: Are you really that worried about the virus?
when my dog starts eating grass I tell him “no bud that will make you pukey” but he’s seen me down tequila like I’m trying to dissolve my intestines so he can eat a little roadside salad
When I see someone at a carwash late at night, I assume they’ve just committed murder.
Me: this is almost as scary as the dmv haha
Dentist: haha yeah, my license is suspended
Me: oh, what do you drive?
Dentist: deep breath and count back from 3. drive?
CITY PLANNER: what should we call the paved path next to the street
CRAB: i have an idea
2y.o eating his lunch: “Papa’s coffee hot?”
Me: “Yeah baby it’s hot, don’t touch.”
2y.o: “Me blow on it for Papa?”
It was at this point I witnessed with horror, my 2y.o attempt to blow on my freshly made coffee, only to spit a half eaten chicken nugget straight into it..