@joeljeffrey: My wife and I don’t often spend money on luxuries, but when we do, I’m glad it’s for something we can both enjoy like decorative pillows.
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@mrs_campfire: STOP talking shit about F•R•I•E•N•D•S Rachel is KIND Monica is NURTURING Joey is CONSIDERATE Phoebe is TALENTED Ross Chandler is FUNNY
@ShortSleeveSuit: Interviewer: Strengths? Me: Punctuality Interviewer: Weaknesses? Me [alarm clock sounds & I snort cocaine off of a knife blade]: NONE
@TragicAllyHere: *turns around in my chair and I'm stroking a whole glazed ham in my lap* I've been expecting you.
@TomTheWicked: Don't blame me. You're the one following a 32 year old man who just jumped into his bed like an Olympic athlete because scary monsters.