“So You’ve Been Drinking and Think You Can Dance” now that’s a reality show I would watch.
My wife and I don’t often spend money on luxuries, but when we do, I’m glad it’s for something we can both enjoy like decorative pillows.
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I drain the spaghetti in the colander and every single piece slides perfectly through the holes
No autocorrect, I do not want to organism all over his face.
DATE: so this is my dad and this is his porcelain cat collection
ME: wow, I feel like I’m in a
DAD: *nods his approval*
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch an ounce of ganja
Jack lit up and took a puff
And Jill cuffed him. She was DEA. Jack died in prison.
Just once I’d like to see 25 tiny cars come out of a clown.
Me: You said everything in here was edible
Willy Wonka: Yes, but-
Me: *takes another bite of Oompa Loompa* Tastes like a circus peanut
Him: *Head in hands*
Her: What’s happened?
Him: Well- I…I… I found this head
sirius black: im innocent
judge: i don’t believe you
sirius: give me truth serum
judge: for some reason no