@BradBroaddus: My wife and I found each other on a dating website.........3 years after we got married. That was awkward.
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@Ygrene: [being murdered] Two Murderers: *trying to kill me at the same time but their stabs cancel out* Me: *becomes even more alive*
@ericsshadow: If you had to decide between being fat and rich or poor and skinny, what bridge would you sleep under?