IM GETTING EATEN-
Ok one sec.
*holds phone away from mouth*
Are you an alligator or a crocodile?
Cool. ITS A CRO-
My wife and I have been happily married for two years. 1997 & 2004
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My grocery list:
1. Don’t run into anyone you know
STAGES OF DRUNK:
1. Wow. I can dance.
2. All hats look GOOD on me.
3. Shhh. Don’t wake up the cows.
Ask Jesus if he loves me, but be cool about it.
Love is a battlefield. And I fight naked.
Giving someone a Christmas card is like saying, “Hey I spent $0.99 on this and signed it, can you throw it away for me?”
In my defense, your baby was crying before I dropped it.
My Internet was out for a while so I went downstairs to talk to my mom. She seems nice.
mermaids swim by twerking do you ever just think about that
If you named your kid Hunter because you like to hunt, then I hate you. Who names a kid after an activity?.
*Storms off w/ his son, Kegger