Hot singles are in your area!
Hot singles are on your block!
Hot singles are in your house!
Hot singles are here to kill you!
My wife and I play this fun game at home where one of us says, “Could you watch the kids for a minute?” and runs.
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My trainer says not to drink beer bc it makes you fat.
So tonight I’ve had a six pack of red wine.
First minute of hiccups: teehee listen to me i’m so cute
10th minute of hiccups: I YEARN FOR THE SWEET RELEASE OF DEATH
You wash your hands more now, sure, but it’s still been a year since you’ve cleaned your microwave.
“There are hot Shingles in your area”
– My Doctor
maybe my dad is at the other end of this cvs receipt
My IQ score says I’m intelligent. My dating history disagrees.
Play The Bee Gees loudly several times a day from your home so that if you have to kill someone the sounds won’t be unusual.
ME: *falls into gorilla enclosure*
GORILLA: [in sign language] I have a boyfriend.