@Cheeseboy22: My wife bought 24 Hostess cupcakes for my son to take to school tomorrow for his birthday treat. I didn't know that's what they were for. I hope 8 kids are absent tomorrow.
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@GrowlyGrego: [at bar] "Yeah I pulled down a solid 6 figs last year." Whoa that's impressive! "I know, right! Can't believe I got fired by that fig farm."
@XplodingUnicorn: Door-to-door Christian guy: Have you heard the greatest story ever told? Me: Definitely. I love Star Wars.
@_ElvishPresley_: me: I'd like one mcdouble please employee: sir, this is a Burger King me: ok one mcdouble please, ur majesty
@GetCougarized: Big things DO NOT always come in small packages! I wish someone had told me the truth before I pounced on this adorable midget. Poor fella.