The best way to let someone know you don’t like them is to offer them a healthy snack.
My wife finished her shampoo and conditioner at the same time and now I’m worried I married a witch
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Which herbal tea goes best with heroin?
I got a facial tonight by hovering over the boiling water before throwing in the mac n cheese.
I didn’t like you in high school, I don’t like you now. #WhyIDontUseFacebook
Him: You’re very interesting.
Me: Thank you.
Him: And fun to be around.
Me: That’s nice, thanks.
Him: You need to stop all of that if this is going to work.
Him: I’m just trying to help you. Change is good.
Me: Check please!
Worst day. Had a tampon behind my ear all afternoon and still cant find my cigarette.
I’m one salad away from identifying as a rabbit
Haloween is over, but i just saw a group of people dressed up as the ghosts of the Cone Heads.
Not everyone in my family follows Apple news, my sister included