Pomegranate is not a fruit, it is a task.
My wife finished her shampoo and conditioner at the same time and now I’m worried I married a witch
You Might Also Like
Everyone is acting like they’re all excited for the eclipse like anyone will even look up from their phone
[Me as a doctor]
ME: I can’t find anything wrong with you. I suspect the problem is heavy drinking
PATIENT: Ok I’ll come back when you’ve sobered up
First person to use a pillow: this is way better than leaves
First person to lay on a pillow: ok I smell shit
I hate when people try to make small talk on the elevator. “How’s it going?”, “How about the weather?”, “Where are your pants?”.
I have some overdue fees at the library, if you’re into bad boys.
I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That’s it. No more reading!
He stole my heart, so I stole his last name. Is the slogan of a very famous body parts and new ID shop in Mexico.
Here at Nickelodeon, we’re constantly trying to push the boundaries of what a child’s head should be shaped like.
“I bet T-Rex’s took terrible selfies”
“Because they had…”
“Short arms Joe, yes. I get it. I get it buddy”