It’s that wonderful time of year again when the spiderwebs I’ve been too lazy to clean become functional decorations.
My wife got an organic, free-range, non-GMO, antibiotic-free turkey for Thanksgiving — and every one of those adjectives added 20 bucks.
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*Big Bad Wolf sees 3 little pigs planning to build houses of straw, lumber and brick
*buys stock in Home Depot
I’m not saying this one girl I dated in college wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, but she did say she thought it was the sweetest thing ever when I told her I still made ice cubes using my grandmother’s recipe
I thought I saw a spider on the floor…Turns out it was a paper clip.
It’s dead now.
No need to panic.
I tried to think of a funny caption for this but nothing could improve it
My neighbour’s dog wants you to know that bicycles are the devil’s tools or at least that’s the best I could discern his message.
ME: with the vaccines coming i’m feeling hopeful
HER: yeah life might go back to the way it was
ME: ok now i’m bummed again
Rejected Pixar Movie Titles:
Find My Fish Son
A Rat Cooked This
Ugh, We Gotta Find Another Fish
Next wedding Im saying its a open bar but when u get there its going to be cash.Just b/c its a 3rd wedding doesnt mean u can skip it slacker
The girl that just walked by gave my dog a double take like she thought she might’ve gone to high school with him.