Heard a guy talking about Belgian whistles.
“A basic website costs 10k, or 25k upwards if you want all the Belgian whistles,” he said.
My wife got upset when I asked her to take out the lavender scented trash bag, proving that lavender doesn’t have any calming effect
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My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation.
Religious places never have free WiFi because no religion wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
Baby bunnies look like old Kung Fu masters
friend: you’re not taking this chess game seriously
me: [pushing tiny horse down into my chocolate pudding] ARTAAAAX!
The 1st cup was used in 1874, the 1st helmet was used in 1974. It only took 100 years to learn our brain is also important.
Me: what are you doing?
Daughter: playing with Michael.
Me: aw, I had an imaginary friend named Michael when I was your age too.
Daughter: I know.
Me: how did you know?
Daughter: Michael told me.
KIDNAPPER: all of my demands are on the table
POLICE CAT: for now
Me, at food counter: Those bacon burger sliders look delicious, 3 please .
Her: Sir, those are calves and piglets & this is a petting zoo!
[digging through lost and found]
Target employee: What are you trying to find?
Me: My son