When you’re sad, hug a kid. But make sure it’s yours cuz that shit would be weird.
My wife handed me a clean towel and asked me to “put it in its place.” So, I looked at it and said, “Don’t forget that you’re only a towel,” and I was reminded yet again of just how lucky this woman was to be married to me.
You Might Also Like
I want to be on maternity leave but without the baby.
One time I tried to pull off the Ariana Grande cat ears but I just looked like Barf from Spaceballs.
*rips finished page from adult coloring book*
*puts it on daughter’s toy kitchen fridge*
My goal is to be a troll as great as this guy one day
“Joe Biden and I are so close, some places in Indiana refuse to serve us pizza.” – President Obama
The one upside to triplets is that you finally have enough babies to juggle
Star Wars 7 is when they all realize that they are just Andy’s toys.
ME: haha Hump Day, amiright?
HUMPTY DUMPTY *rolls eyes*
ME: eh? *nudge*
HD: Dude don’t-
ME: eh? *harder nudge* EH? Oh shit
It rubs the lotion on its skin and struggles with the doorknobs again.