@Spaziotwat: My wife is terrified of thunderstorms. The banging outside the window is horrendous, but if we let her in she'll just get the dog all wet.
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@AndyAsAdjective: [1st date] WAITER: and how would you like your steak, miss? HER: definitely not wooden *winks across table* DRACULA: *just glares at her*
@Trustedshoe: Trainer: Run a mile on the track at your own pace. Me: Okay. *starts running* *halley’s comet goes by* *trainer dies of old age* *halley’s comet passes again* *the sun dies* *final episode of the simpsons airs* Me(almost halfway done): Halfway there!
@sixfootcandy: I carry around a fog machine so I can make a dramatic entrance every time I enter a room.