@MelvinofYork: My wife just threatened to kill me in my sleep, which seems much less horrifying than being killed wide awake. She’s always been thoughtful.
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@Donna_McCoy: I still remember the childhood pain of having to wear a sweater over my Halloween costume, so don't say I don't know tragedy.
@dxblarssonENG: Teenage daughter called me an old fart. We both laughed and then I changed the password to our wifi.
@riverpig12: Cats get a pass bc they're "Cleaning themselves". Dogs are like, Hey! I can reach this?!?!