We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters
@Alex_LaVallee: My wife just walked into a huge spider web.
She is now a black belt in karate.
@Fuqyoupayme: If school isn't the place to sleep, then home isn't the place to study.
@JustDontBugMe: I don't understand Dentists. I'm sitting here with like.. knitting needles in my mouth and they think I can answer stupid questions.
@ShortSleeveSuit: WAITER: would you like to try the chef’s special, tender snow crab?
ME [getting defensive]: maybe but there’s no reason for name calling
@YuckyTom: [pronouncing the ‘h’ in exhausted until my boss sends me home]
@Sassafrantz: What a beautiful day! The sun's shining, the birds are singing, the neighbor's dog is taking a huge crap on my lawn...