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@iwearaonesie: My wife said I need to grow up. I was speechless.

It's hard to say anything when you have 45 gummy bears in your mouth

My wife said I need to grow up. I was speechless. It’s hard to say anything when you have 45 gummy bears in your mouth
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54

@BruceForce: Just saw a horse drawn cart. Wasn't a very good cart. Horses are terrible artists.

38

@BeerOholic: Warning to ppl who drink & drive, yday while driving, frnd took his arm out to indicate right turn & someone took his beer. Rascals! #txt

31

@galiamango: When my phone rings, I stay very, very still. If I don't move, it can't see me.

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@TragicAllyHere: My son was crying and asked, "why doesn't the dog have to wear pants?" And it's like, I don't even know. So now I'm putting pants on a dog.

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