@iwearaonesie: My wife said I need to grow up. I was speechless.
It's hard to say anything when you have 45 gummy bears in your mouth
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@nettie0918: None of my boyfriends even know they're dating me.
@MarfSalvador: [in line at store] her: oh no I don't have enough money me: hey hey [touches her hand] put your wallet away her: are you sure? me: yeah, it's hideous
@DaddyJew: Peter Pan is my favorite story about how running away from all your problems will allow you to remain youthful and to possibly fly someday
@sfreeze6: Seize the day. Repossess the evening. Impound last week. Forcibly confiscate the entire month of September.
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