Hubs: You wouldn’t believe the day I had at work!
Me: (wiping my kid’s piss off the floor and carpet for the 4,000th time today)
Hubs: Never mind
Me: Smart move
My wife took me to the most amazing 3D movie I had ever seen last night. Half way through it I realized: we were at a play.
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Him: “You’ll never find another guy like me.”
Me: “That’s kind of the point.”
I’m gonna stop you right there.
Jared Leto’s primary preparation for his role as the Joker was changing his middle name to Stil
Give a man a six pack and he’ll drink for a day.
Give him a 24 pack and he’ll drink for a day.
I wonder if my dog gets embarrassed when I give him kisses in front of other dogs at the park.
You can be rough with me – the healthcare is free. #MakeCanadaSexier
I just panic bought 7 gallons of wolf urine and I’m not even sorry.
I like to use the Ouija board to pester my dead husbands.
Lady: he’s so mysterious
Lady2: I wonder what he’s thinking
[Me, just wondering how easy it’d be to convert a nerf gun to fire meatballs]