My wife wants me to make her scream in the bedroom.

The 32 lego pieces & 6 upturned plugs, I’ve strategically placed, should do the trick.

You Might Also Like


My IQ score says I’m intelligent. My dating history disagrees.


Son: Will you please just try to act normal today?

Me: You’re going to have to be more specific.


No, sweetie. You can’t see the moon with vernaculars.


DATE: This place is so fancy
ME: Ever have a guy splurge on you before?
DATE: Well, only when we didn’t have a condom


Not to brag, but my antics at work resulted in several items being added to the employee manual.


In my defense, I’m not sure why you kept the bags of quicksand next to the bags of regular sand.


At McDonalds

Cashier: You total is to tell your kids that you love them

Me: Look lady if I loved them I wouldn’t be feeding them this crap


I dropped my iPhone under the bed once so I get it, moms that lift cars off their babies, I get it.