[opens fortune cookie]
be careful what you wish for
this is your final warning
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out of the blue my 10 yr old asked me if i was running for president and i said no and then he put his arm around me and said it was time for a woman to be president and it should be me and we hugged and hugged and then he asked for a video game he wanted
Wrong officer, none of these drugs are being carried with the intent to distribute
*offers chair for $25 at garage sale; no takers*
*glues old gears and cogs to chair*
*sells “steampunk sitting contraption” on eBay for $800*
Lower your expectations.
Hi, I’m Nancy!
There was no Internet when I was a kid. If you wanted to talk to a pervert, you had to go find one.
I (a Nigerian Prince) have been having some thoughts about getting gold into America and wondered if you were in a good space mentally to send me your credit card info
[the city, seeing a marching band]
DAD: Son when you grow up, would you be the savior of the broken, the beaten and the damned?
ME: i’m 6
So many pants.
So little yoga.