Batman: Use this spotlight to call me.
Robin: What if it’s daytime?
Batman: *glares at Robin*
Gordon: Yeah, what if it-
Batman: *smoke bomb*
My wife was holding a broom, so I packed her away with the Halloween decorations.
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Megan with an h? Whatever Hmegan….
This might be the funniest tweet ever
[Writing Silence of the Lambs]
Anyone have an idea for the cannibal’s name?
Anyone other than Jim?
Your honor I object! That other lawyer is saying stuff that makes my client look guilty
There is a drunk woman on the tube throwing After Eights at everyone and, in the most British way possible, everyone is pretending they aren’t being hit on the head by tiny chocolatey squares (which hurts by the way) and not looking at anyone else in the eye.
*throws king crab into tank of normal crabs*
Go, lead them to freedom, this is your birthright
I let an AT&T Customer Service Representative call me Brenda for a half hour because I was too embarrassed to correct him
*strips buck naked*Buck: Give me back my clothes !
I like to think that when Homer Simpson suffers from erectile dysfunction, he chokes his wiener and yells “Why you little!!!!!”