@squirrel74wkgn: My wife was holding a broom, so I packed her away with the Halloween decorations.
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@TheSwanDon: So my dad was all "stop eating my pills" and then I was like "stop melting into the floor and spinning multi colored webs you talking lamp"
@FuckabillyRex: Hey, babygirl, I have ten bucks and a BOGO coupon for McDonalds. Wanna come watch me eat two Big Macs?
@careworn: Why do people insist on saying "You're next" to me at weddings? Do they not realize how serial killery that is?