ME: Ed is coming over
WIFE: Ed who always talks about marathons or Ed who just blurts out country names?
ME: I’m not sure
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“I’m not good enough.”
-Implies this is as good as you will ever be
-Does not acknowledge your hard work
-Ends your journey
Punching the ground and declaring “I…I must get stronger!” like in anime
-Recognizes how far you’ve come
-Useful for defeating the Demon King
Me:[grabbing my guitar] i wrote this for you.
Me:*pulls note out of guitar hole*
“we’re out of cereal.”
Me: I’m gonna take a shower
Spider in my bathtub: nope
a few weeks ago I faked an Irish accent at the bar & ended up meeting a guy from Ireland that night. since then I contemplated if he was faking it or not & I just found him on tinder and his bio says if he gets drunk enough he fakes an Irish accent. I’ve found my soulmate y’all!!
‘Take this and your life will suck differently.’
~ pharmaceutical ads
You sneeze more than 5 times in a row and I’m gonna start performing an exorcism.
If you’re feeling down about yourself, it won’t help you to know that Honey Boo Boo makes more money than school teachers.
Every time a bell rings an angel gets its wings. It’s always the same angel. It’s covered in wings now and wants to die but can’t