@WilliamAder: My wife's returning today after an 8-day trip, so I should probably dampen the kitchen sponge and re-position it.
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@audipenny: Welcome to The News. Tonight's top story: you know that thing you love? It's terrible and you're terrible. Thanks,
@Deurb1: I remember a friend asking me why I had a bottle of wine in my car, I said I got it for my wife... He said good trade...
@TweetPotato314: wife: honey did you see the new player piano I bought me: *stops googling can ghosts play the piano* yes I did
@2tickytacky: Lemon is supposedly a good diuretic. I ate a quart of lemon pudding and nothing is happening.