@MomOfTeen

My youngest son’s dirty clothes sit on the floor, beneath the laundry chute.

I admire his hope that they’ll bounce up and swish down.

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@SaraBWarf

When I die I want to come back as a ghost to haunt my adult children’s houses, just passive-aggressively turning off lights they’ve left on and pointedly moving their shoes to the shoe cabinet, just heavily sighing the whole time

@RunwayDan

Sometimes when life closes one door it opens another, because apparently life is trying to air condition the whole damned neighborhood.

@Melecevida

As a child I had the impression that I would be offered free drugs by strangers much more frequently than the 0 times it’s happened.

@Playing_Dad

Boss: Did you bring the reports?
Me: Hold on.
*reaches into pockets and pulls out two middle fingers*
Boss: I resign. You’re the boss now.

@team_daddy

My sister on holiday with the kids, they had a few cute ‘towel animals’ left on the bed during the week but just came back to this

@Loli_Sug

Hospitals don’t like it when you unplug things to charge your phone w/ out asking first

@nottheworstmom

*RSVP’ing to Christmas party*

Whispering into phone: is it ok if I bring my weird roommate?

Husband, from behind me: STOP CALLING ME THAT

@Shot_Of_Cabo

Somehow stumbled upon a nude beach. .

Yeah, found myself in the middle of no wear.