75% of being a parent is yelling at your kid for doing exactly what you just did
My youngest son’s dirty clothes sit on the floor, beneath the laundry chute.
I admire his hope that they’ll bounce up and swish down.
You Might Also Like
ME: The kids have ruined their shoes
WIFE: Again? [sighs] Just throw them out
ME: Stop crying kids, your mum says you have to leave
I know karate and tons of other words.
My kid: You know what I’m thinking??
Me: [sigh] If I say yes, do you still have to tell me?
Yoga Instructor: This is Warrior pose
Me:*Sitting down, eating a cheeseburger
I’m a Warrior who just slayed a McDonaldite
her tinder bio: i like guys who are into heavy metal
[later at dinner]
her: why are you doing this?
me [dressed in chainmail and eating with a spade]: doing what??
I love the people in parking lots with “free kittens” signs because I too feel that kittens shouldn’t be oppressed.
My daughter has decided to teach our kitten to laugh.
I may have over sold the “you can do anything you set your mind to” narrative.
There’s a doctor here to see you.
No, I think it’s a non time traveling one.
Don’t let the cargo shorts and flip flops fool you…I’m not the sex symbol you may think I am.