Nature Fact: baby bears are born with fur because a mother bear can’t bear to bear a bare bear

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And for my next trick I’ll be pulling the rug from under your feet



confession: I’m only getting my PhD in physics cause I wanted my hate for The Big Bang Theory to be more personal.


Gene Hackman is my favorite actor whose name sounds like a job description at Monsanto


My husband doesn’t worry about me cheating because he knows I hate everyone.


A zombie apocalypse will be the only time you’ll hear me say ‘please don’t eat me’

……aaaand send


her: why is there a duck on your shoulder?

me: he’s my life coach

her: you wanna go to olive garden?

*duck whispers in my ear*

me: that’s a yes


Ghosts never write encouraging stuff on my mirror. It’s always “KILL” or “MURDER” or “YOU’RE OUT OF NUTELLA”