And for my next trick I’ll be pulling the rug from under your feet
Nature Fact: baby bears are born with fur because a mother bear can’t bear to bear a bare bear
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confession: I’m only getting my PhD in physics cause I wanted my hate for The Big Bang Theory to be more personal.
I hate fungi but then it grew on me.
Gene Hackman is my favorite actor whose name sounds like a job description at Monsanto
I was hooked on auctions after only going once …going twice
My husband doesn’t worry about me cheating because he knows I hate everyone.
A zombie apocalypse will be the only time you’ll hear me say ‘please don’t eat me’
I just know I will die trying to pet something I shouldn’t.
her: why is there a duck on your shoulder?
me: he’s my life coach
her: you wanna go to olive garden?
*duck whispers in my ear*
me: that’s a yes
Ghosts never write encouraging stuff on my mirror. It’s always “KILL” or “MURDER” or “YOU’RE OUT OF NUTELLA”