Nerdy trick. Impress your friends by taking cube roots in your head

Step 1: memorise the following:


Step 2: get a friend to take a calculator and enter a 2 digit number and then cube that number and tell you the answer

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I just had a moment of clarity. Glad that’s over with.


Me: I was only protecting the kids from learning too early that their parents are fallible

Her: *packing away Monopoly* That’s still no excuse for stealing from the bank


DOCTOR: Don’t be embarrassed. Taking trousers off is normal for a prostate exam.

ME: Err yeah I guess. Should I take mine off too?


“Uhm, EXCUSE me, my eyes are out HERE.” — Hammerhead sharks


I don’t have many enemies because I’m funny and sweet and they all died in mysterious fires.


“I’ll take the Batmobile. Robin, you take the–”
[Robin doing up laces]
“The Batskates, yeah I know.”


5: Can you cut off the skin?

Me: What?

5: *holds up sandwich* the skin

M: The crust?

5: yeah

M: No, and you sound like a serial killer.


[pulling out of the driveway on the way to a holiday party]
HUSBAND: Oh, we’re supposed to bring a dessert.